Times like these

Dear You,

Life is messy, stressful and downright difficult. But it’s incredibly beautiful too.

So when you’re in a slump and the skies are all cloudy and you can’t see a single damn star,

It becomes imperative to shine brighter for yourself.

Cut yourself some slack, give yourself a break,

Take a deep breath and set that weight aside.

You don’t have to ignore it forever, but you sure as hell can set it down for one day.

When you’re stronger, revisit it and take all the decisions you’re supposed to,

But today, you must rest.

Stay another day.

Dear You,

I’ve been meaning to tell you that things are going to be okay. Maybe not the way they used to be, perhaps not the way you once wished it would.

But, you are going to be okay.

I don’t know if everything will work out in the end, but I know that you’ll be fine.

The scars from your battles will be gentle reminders of how you survived your worst nights. You will painfully remember that Saturday evening when you boarded the flight, without a single shard of hope.

But you’ll also remember how you made it to your destination.

Life is hard. The lows are somehow entrenched in our memory, while the highs seem so fleeting.

But if you’re breathing,

And your heart is beating,

And your brain, lungs and every other part is functioning well,

Then you’ll survive this, no matter how times in the past you fell.

And if it’s getting difficult please remember this.

Everything comes to an end.

Good, bad and life.

There’s a fire.

How long will you continue holding on to the burning embers of something you loved?

You’ve burnt your hands enough, and now there’s just a small part of your heart left.

Let it go, drop it now.

It’s not worth burning for someone who has no intention of dousing the fire.

What would I tell you?

I sometimes wonder what I would tell you if I met you when you were younger.

Would I hold your hand right at that moment when your heart was going to break, or would I stop you from doing the things that would lead to a lifetime of pain?

On that note, you should perhaps remember that there really is no “lifetime of pain”. I just said it for dramatic effect.

Sometimes there are several flashes of pain, during other days the suffering is prolonged and feels never-ending, but it will.

I wouldn’t say that happiness is fleeting like a butterfly. Instead it’s like a wave, strong on a few days, on others it’s but a ripple. And even though it will recede, remember it always comes back.

So maybe take both with a pinch of salt? Let them shape you, but don’t let them change who you are.

You should however pay attention to the small pockets of peace when life traps you in a flooding cave of emotions. They will keep you alive.

And remember, life is beautiful but can be chaotic, so sometimes you’ll need people to help you stay afloat, hold on to them for dear life. They can be friends, family and a stranger in the airport who offers you water when you’re crying.

But on most days it will just be you.

Since you’ve been gone

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Dear You,

I’m beginning to wonder if you’re even reading this. Are my words reaching you? Are they providing you any solace at all?

How was your day? I ask far too many questions but I’m not nosy, I’m just wondering how you are.

I hope you get enough sleep these days. Tell me, has winter reached your doorstep yet?

I wonder if I should even post this letter. Or do I let it get lost in this huge world where unrequited love lives in every corner?

I’ve been thinking about you.

I close my eyes and remember your smile. The way your hand felt in mine – warm and soft. The way my heart slowed down as you held me close in your sleep, even when you snored heavily in my ears.

I have never felt yearning as I have since you’ve been gone. I have tasted it in the long evenings, as the sun slowly set.

I have felt it during a lonely lunch, surrounded by beautiful friends; On the way back home, in the elevator and in my room. I have crossed the road with it, as it held on to my dress, scared it would be left behind.

And then, on some days it feels like I’m drowning, on others I barely make it to the surface.

So if you ever get this letter, know that I miss you more than I can ever explain. Know that you’ve left a hole so big in my life that all the cold is beginning to seep in.

There’s so much more I’d like to ask you, darling,

But I’ll only end with this,

Won’t you come back home, please?

How are you?

Let’s keep this short,

For if I speak I won’t find it in me to stop.

How did people live in the past? With just a letter or a call once a week,

When I can’t go without one text from you in a day.

How are you? Did you take your medicines? Does the night feel as lonely as it does for me?

Why don’t you drink enough water? And have you been eating well?

I heard your song today, and I remembered how much it makes you smile.

I don’t really have a song, so I wonder what reminds you of me.

Do you miss me when the sun sets on another day?

My heart and hands feel lonely without you. Does yours too?

Take care and eat well.

I’ll leave you for now. Fold your bedsheets and keep your room clean,

And when you’re tired of all this distance

Give me a call.

But please don’t forget to wash your feet before you go to bed.

As you were.

Chaotic order

Dear You,

There’s so much beauty around you, why can’t you see it?

Listen to the beating of your own heart, sometimes fast like the turmoil in your head, sometimes slow like time that refuses to pass. But always fighting, always beating to keep you alive.

How can you ignore that? How can you give up when everything around you hasn’t?

The beauty and tragedy of life is the fact that it moves on. Days give way to nights just like winter gives way to spring.

No one promised life would be good all the time. It’s hard, it’s heartbreaking and will tear you down to pieces.

Sometimes people will choose you, sometimes they won’t. Sometimes you’ll choose people, sometimes you won’t.

But look around again, did that ever stop dawn from breaking?

It never did and it never will.

So I ask you this,

Why should it stop you?

Endings

Dear You,

I know it’s difficult right now,

I know you’re hurting and don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry, I don’t know either.

So if you’ve come here looking for words of comfort you might not find any.

I might not offer any.

This ends here.

Please move on.

Longing

The anticipation to finally see you is killing me.

Months have gone by since I last met you. I bite my nails in anticipation, close my eyes and try to imagine your laughter, your eyes crinkling, your adorable nose and you. All of those video calls, could never do justice to any of this.

I make a list of thousand things that we’ll do when we meet.

Perhaps we’ll start with a hug, a kiss on your cheek  or both. Definitely both.

Then I think about all those nasty airplane germs that you might have brought back with you. Maybe we should just smile at each other, no?

No.

I’ve longed for this moment, I’ve  longed for you.
I know you’ll walk out any second now,
Please tell me you have too.