New Girl:Day 11

Ever since I was a kid and had learnt to do terrible things like beating, biting and pelting stones at my dear brother (I started off really young) I would make up words or just join random words and make sense out of them.

My recent set of words belonged to the family of depression. The stages of depression according to me. Depression, suppression, mupression and cupression. Cupression being the depths of depression.

And going by how things suddenly changed in my life, I can assure you I was in cupression.

Now you might think this is gibberish and yes, you could be right. But I’m going to go ahead and rant anyway.

As I was coming to terms with the loss of Jacqueline. Randomly bursting into tears every time anyone would ask how I was doing, (Shut up you nice people) or looking at a dog that was remotely black or brown. It all felt like a nightmare, terrible, scary and lonely.

Anyway. I did what I could do best. Keep myself busy, so I got to work.

A good dose of astro would perhaps lighten the burden.
Distant boy was being extremely concerned and for once it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that the auto drivers were not asking for extra money or that my friend at work was being my pillar of strength. I just wanted to wallow in the pain that was more than happy to engulf me.

I looked tired and depressed. Concerned bosses asked me if I wanted to go home. Na-uh, anywhere but home, I thought.

And then astro happened.
Virgo: Be careful. You might have itching problems in (well) your anus.
WHAT?!? No seriously what was that man thinking?

It was just too much to handle even for me. I burst out laughing , obviously because my sun sign is Libra.
It became simple. Anyone scratching their anus tomorrow was a Virgin (ahhhaaaha I meant came under the sun sign Virgo).

As I wiped my tears away, mum calls. Obviously, to check if I had lunch. Then Pappy calls and pretty much everyone else close enough to know my shameful secrets called to check on me.

The said pillar of strength was obviously at her best. Checking if I ate, if I wasn’t randomly crying and just being there for me.

This might be a rather senti post, but I can’t help it. Everyone around me took time out and came to help me. Spent time with me. Waited patiently on the phone while I wept like my whole life depended on it.
Checked if I was alive. Made sure I wasn’t drowning in sorrow, when they themselves were drenched in it.

I didn’t and still don’t know how to move ahead. An intricate part of my life just got taken away from me, so please bear with me.

So, amidst all those tears and tremendous sadness I realised what Jacqueline had done even in her death. She taught me a lesson.
She made me sit up and notice all these wonderful people in my life. From family, immediate friends, to ones whom I hadn’t been in touch with for a long time, but who sent me texts on how they understood what it must be to lose a pet. She showed me how powerful loved ones can be.

How words can, and will eventually be the much needed balm to soothe, if not to heal wounds. How, amidst the dark hole of sadness there will forever remain (though hidden) the light of happiness.

And the best of all. How important it is to cherish life and be thankful for every thing, every single day, every single moment.

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