Just another portrait?

It's just a joy-ride. Even when it gets blurry. Especially when it gets blurry.  www.kalyanyasaswi.com

It’s just a joy-ride. Even when it gets blurry. Especially when it gets blurry.                                 http://www.kalyanyasaswi.com


We all make plans. Big ones, small ones and sometimes tiny, tiny, plans. But what happens when those plans don’t work out?What does one do then?

First, the niceties, how are you? I always imagine your answer will be that you’re doing great. I had an okay day. But, I wanted to ask you about something that has been on my head since the morning. 

The three of us were having a conversation. Should or shouldn’t she, that was primarily the question she asked. I wondered if she was asking us the question or telling us what she wanted to hear. Have you ever done that? Ask a friend a question, not particularly to hear an answer from them. But to know what you really want? No? 

The situation was simple here. It involved the heart, a yes-or-no question and lots and lots of feelings. Fine, I was kidding, it wasn’t simple. It was complex.

I sat quietly, reading her face. Her smile fell and then rose, only to fall again, as she intently listened to what my other friend had to say.

The verdict wasn’t too good. The prognosis was bad. The doctor had spoken. The heart, it needed to be safeguarded. 

Between the three of us, we knew and understood that feeling. That feeling when, someone tells you exactly what you don’t want to hear, but need to. Why is it always easy to be able to help others with advice? I rolled my eyes. Not as a sign of irritation, more because I felt frustrated. I hate for anyone to go through this. Especially if it’s someone I love dearly. We had to stop our conversation and the day took over. But the question stayed.

What would you do? Would you put yourself out there? Would you risk having your heart broken into tiny, tiny unfathomable pieces? Or would you keep your heart safe? Build a little fort and let it stay inside, until the storm has passed? Should someone move ahead in life with the consolation that they tried or do they just live with an abrupt love story? How are we supposed to make these idiotic decisions and pretend to not be affected by it?

I realised I’ve been asking you so many questions. So I’ll ask you another one. Will we ever know? Will we be able to learn to clear up the place after the aftermath of a heartbreak? I’m sorry, I lied… I asked you two.

I hate… ‘what ifs’. They are so frustrating. But, ‘what ifs’ are sometimes better than a complete ‘no’. Aren’t they? Are they? Do we choose a ‘what if’ and let that person stay permanently in the corner of our heart? Thereby, not giving the entire space in our heart to someone who actually deserves it. Simply because a part is still occupied? So what if it’s a tiny part. But, if one goes by this theory, then my heart by now, might not have any space left. Haha. My jokes are very funneh.

Perhaps people become paintings and photos. Just like that happy memory of holding hands in the dark. A photo that will be hung on the walls of a room, in this case your heart. The photo won’t occupy much space and you’ll be able to clear the room for someone who actually deserves it.

So if you’re wondering what I’m going to tell her, then don’t.

Each one of us has to walk the path alone. Friends and family will be there to catch you when you fall.

But this battle is yours… and yours alone to fight.

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry, child.
See heaven’s got a plan for you.



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