I just finished checking all the updates on Facebook. My life was a lot happier one week ago, when I logged off the website. I was careful to log in only to update posts.
Now that I’m back, I don’t think I missed anything. On a day to day basis, I try to be as happy and content as I can, but it’s not always a bright and cheery day. Sometimes, there is rain and the dark clouds threaten to take over. Sometimes, winter forces the day to shut shop early.
I’m telling you this because I want you to know. Also, I find writing to you therapeutic.
During these times, when the feeling of being inadequate rises I begin to doubt everything. People I love, their ability to love. Myself, my ability to love. My ability to rise above being damaged. Their ability to accept me with all my flaws. Everything. My work, how good I am at it. Such an endless list. Sigh.
See what I mean? I’ve already boarded a train whose only stop is at station self-destruct.
I know, I know. Despite the cold winters and the damp and dark rainy days. The sun will throw in a guest appearance now and then. All to remind us that winter will be gone soon.
I know, winter will slowly give way to spring. And tiny little plants will wake-up from their slumber and welcome the change in season.
I know, I know.
But today is not that day. Today, I shall linger in the cold rain.
The sun can brighten up my day tomorrow.