I’m sitting in the dark in my parent’s room. My extended family has come over and I see the dark clouds of a migraine slowly fill my sky (no, it’s not because of my family). But, keeping up with the birthday week tradition, here is a post.
I love letters, writing and receiving. But I can never get myself to write a letter to the future me. I find that slightly unsettling. But, I trust science and when a time machine is (finally) invented, I will go back and give this letter to my younger and sillier, cool self.
A letter from my 24 years-11-months-and-28-days-old-self to my 15-year-old self.
You don’t know what the next 10 years will bring. As you sit in your room, praying to every God you know, to help you with your stupid math exam, you have no idea… not even an inkling of how beautiful things will turn out.
In the next few years your brother will leave to the US, you’ll fall in love twice, fall out once. Fall in love again… but won’t ever tell that person. You will cry at your 21st birthday and will make two life changing decisions. One will break your heart, the other will set the course of your life. Both will make you stronger.
Your most loved, J, will leave behind a home full of beautiful memories and tears, but she’ll also leave love. She’ll leave strength in tiny corners, so when the wind blows, it will bring to you courage and the warmth of love. You’ll eventually make your peace with it, but you will never forget.
You’ll still argue with your parents, but you’ll also love and respect them more. Cousins will leave home and with them a tiny part of your childhood will leave too. You’ll meet new friends. You won’t necessarily like them at first, but you’ll learn that one can truly never have one soulmate. You’ll see glimpses of your soulmate in each friend. They will stand by you, be your rock, and let you just be. You’ll see them during a heartbreak, you’ll see them during a loss. You’ll see them when you are at your happiest. And what more? You’ll learn to be there for them.
You’ll learn to drive (haha, yes you will, I promise) You’ll buy a vehicle and you’ll feel proud every time you see it. You’ll get a decent job, fall madly in love, but this time slowly and steadily. You’ll look back at the heartbreaks and be happy that they happened. You’ll grow and how (but, you will still be 5’5 inches. I’m sorry).
There will be three books that will change your life. You will love them. One of them will give you courage.
Your migraine will worsen and so will your intolerance to people who hurt animals.
You’ll learn to accept yourself with your many flaws and you’ll learn to forgive. Both yourself and others.
But the best thing? You’ll unlearn and then learn to love yourself, just the way you are.