Inconsequential.

If it is not sheer madness that makes us open our hearts and let love in, then I don’t know what it is.

I vaguely remember the song that was playing on the television. Some obscure ’90s pop video, with its ridiculously endearing splash of colours. It’s so weird, when everything around you is busy crumbling down, your attention is  almost always grabbed by the most frivolous of things.

I reluctantly put down the TV remote, my hands leave behind greasy fingerprints, but I don’t bother to clean it. I make some self-deprecating joke and then my thoughts are diverted by the confusion that has attached itself to my life.

Outside, the sun is just beginning to rise and the cuckoo bird must be really excited about it… what else can explain its constant chattering. Then there is you — quiet and noisy. Doing your own thing, making memories and now and then, love. I touch your cool forehead as you stir in your sleep, the light from the TV is reflecting off your peaceful face and I feel a strong surge of emotions — anger, happiness, loneliness, but most importantly love.

What would happen if I got out of the bed and walked away; Not turning back, not even once? Would you wake up worried and look for me until all the fabrics of your delicate heart gave way? Would you cry yourself to sleep or wake yourself crying because a part, an important one I hope, of your life went missing? Would it even matter, or would you shrug, drink your morning tea and get on with life? I’m scared, so I don’t want to know.

When I put my feet down, the cool marble floor takes away my sleep.
I switch off the TV, pick up my car keys and leave.

 

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