Already done.

 

The trees are all bent,
The wind is howling over,
The storm is yet to come,
But the damage is already done.

I offer you peace but you give me conflict,
I bleed my heart out, but yours is running dry,
The battle cry hasn’t been given yet,
But your guard is already up.

The soldiers are ready,
The Cavalry is on guard,
The war hasn’t started yet,
But the bloodshed is already done.

Darling, I never meant to start a war.
But now I’m going to end it.

What would I tell you?

I sometimes wonder what I would tell you if I met you when you were younger.

Would I hold your hand right at that moment when your heart was going to break, or would I stop you from doing the things that would lead to a lifetime of pain?

On that note, you should perhaps remember that there really is no “lifetime of pain”. I just said it for dramatic effect.

Sometimes there are several flashes of pain, during other days the suffering is prolonged and feels never-ending, but it will.

I wouldn’t say that happiness is fleeting like a butterfly. Instead it’s like a wave, strong on a few days, on others it’s but a ripple. And even though it will recede, remember it always comes back.

So maybe take both with a pinch of salt? Let them shape you, but don’t let them change who you are.

You should however pay attention to the small pockets of peace when life traps you in a flooding cave of emotions. They will keep you alive.

And remember, life is beautiful but can be chaotic, so sometimes you’ll need people to help you stay afloat, hold on to them for dear life. They can be friends, family and a stranger in the airport who offers you water when you’re crying.

But on most days it will just be you.

29 is just a number.

Dear You,

You’re currently packing your bags for that holiday in Pondicherry, so it’s rather endearing that you’re unaware about how next year this time, you’ll be in Muscat.

The year will be a whirlwind of good and bad – yes, yes like any other year. However this year will be about new things, like living alone. It’ll be about falling in love again, with new places and people and realising how awful and wonderful life can be. You’ll go through some terrifying moments and you’ll make it, but you’ll have to hold on tight.

You will find yourself lonely on some days, but you will also find out that the greatest lessons in life are learnt alone.

On some days you’ll bawl like a baby, but you’ll realise that sometimes there will be no one to soothe your fears. That’s all right, because you’ll learn that you can be your greatest friend.

You will not need a knight in shining armour, mainly because you are one. But on some days, you will graciously accept help from one who is armed with a plunger.

You are crazy, so when you find someone who is wholly accepting of you (despite all your flaws), hold on to them. Remember, it’s a privilege to be loved for who you are, don’t pass that up because of what someone else thinks.

Learn to love your family and friends. They can (and will be) annoying, but life can be incredibly tasteless without them.

Accept help when you can,

Stand your ground when you’re right,

Speak up for women and DO NOT let silence be your weapon,

Say please and thank you and always remember,

The best gift you can give yourself is

Love.

Happy birthday.

Ever yours,
P

Angry girl.

source

Artist Libby VanderPloeg: https://gph.is/2OJNiHc . Instagram: https://bit.ly/2nRBDZK

Dear You,

 

The problem is not that you get angry at how unjust things around you are.

Every single woman, at some point of her life must have been subjected to something sexist. Something that seemed trivial, something that was said in passing, as a joke, just as an “honest question” ( whatever that means).

Sometimes, people ask you to smile, sometimes they ask you to smile more. On some occasions you’re asked to calm down, for some people you’re too loud, too boisterous. Very un-ladylike.

Sometimes, they don’t take you seriously at work.

There are boxes and if you don’t fit in them, you’re an anomaly.

The problem is not that you get angry,
The problem is that you don’t stay angry long enough.
Rage, rage.

Back to the future

Dear You,

If I tell you that a year from now you’d quit your job, take a break and travel across the world, would you believe me? Well, maybe you should. Because you’re going to do just that.

2017 could seem like just another year but it will make you brave. You will learn that there is no greater joy than standing up for what you believe in and asking for what you need. And when you realise that love, happiness and peace no longer features on the menu, you will politely move on.

Moving on, however, won’t be easy. It’ll bring with it moments of doubt, sadness and complete chaos. But you don’t have to worry, because it is only when you fall that you learn to look where you’re going. You will understand this soon, but I must tell you, there is no shame in putting yourself first. No shame in leaving behind things and people that no longer make you happy. You are after all your first priority, everything and everyone should come later.

This year, you will learn to be kind and loving to the one person who matters the most – you. It won’t be an easy process, but loving someone never really is. However, you’ll manage to strike up a friendship with yourself and it’ll be the best thing to ever happen.

Don’t ever doubt that you will be loved. You always were, you always will. You might be difficult to love, but not impossible. And there are people who always love a challenge, no?

You must and you will learn to see people for who they really are. Don’t let their judgements cloud you and don’t let harsh words break your spirit. Take a break from toxic people and if the break doesn’t work, cut them out of your life.

This year will bring you closer to people you love a lot but can’t find the means to express it. Hold on to that feeling, it’ll keep you warm.

And while you sit here right now, thinking about how life is going to pan out, I’ll leave you with one last clue. 2017 might keep you at home, but when the year ends, you’ll have to get ready for a new adventure. A fresh beginning, one that involves moving to a new country.

So don’t waste your time worrying about the future, what’s meant to happen simply will. Accept your losses and celebrate your victories, and remember whatever happens you will always be enough for yourself.

Love always,
P

The sense of an ending.

livingstilltumblr.com

I knew it was long overdue. 
But please give me the benefit of doubt, I was, to simply put it… scared. 

So I re-read the chapter. Feeling every word, letting each emotion cut through me. This time, allowing flowers to bloom in deserts and letting rivers (that shouldn’t have been there in the first place) go dry. 
And then, once again, I arrived at the last word and the last punctuation mark of the chapter. 

I had two choices:
1) To re-read all of it again.
2) To move on to the next chapter.

I sat there, unable to fight the tears, running my fingers through the now faded words and memories. In that moment, I met the love that got lost somewhere and all those emotions that were hidden under every full-stop.

But, it was time.
And so,
I turned the page.

Things we need to talk about. 

I never liked empty spaces, hearts or homes.
So I started filling them both.
A couch here, a person there, a coffee table where it wasn’t needed,
a lover when there was space for none.

In hindsight it wasn’t the room full of things that bothered me.
Rooms could be filled and emptied, things could be bought and sold.

But people… people were the problem.
They came at their will sometimes, and that was all right.
It was their leaving that I  never recovered from.

Letters with love.

pp

A letter from my 27-year-old  self to my 26-year-old self. 

Dear Me,

Stop. Breathe a little.
Wait. Don’t rush, deadlines are for your newspaper and there is no need to get anxious, but you being you, will do just that.

Can’t wait to see how turning 26 would be eh? It’s amazing, said no one ever. Because it really isn’t that different. You will still panic every time you need to drive up a slope but you will make it to the top, exercise regimens will be a dream and you will sleep through them and yes, yes, you will get to travel.

You will meet new and amazing people, some will break your heart, some will leave with a piece of it, but you will always be loved. Life will take weird turns, the downs will drag you down and beat you black and blue, but the ups will liberate you.
You will NOT exercise, you will NOT. Shame on you. Tsk tsk.

February and March will bring with it surprises, love, gifts and people. March will be one of your favourite months. You will meet two kittens and will fall in love with them, whether you adopt them or not will remain a mystery.

No matter what you do, you will find your way back home – figuratively and well, literally.

Don’t stress over the small things because you will make it through all of them.
So why don’t you eat that extra piece of cake, enjoy the new year, go all mental and laugh out loud?

Also, before I forget.
Have a happy, happy birthday.