Flooded towns.

Dear You,

I can tell you this with all the wisdom I have gathered, broken hearts are the heaviest. As you watch the contents of your heart spill into the street, waves taking over the whole town, don’t look away.

This is all your love, washing down buildings of memories. You created that, and if the whole town drowns, cutting you off from the rest of the world, then so be it.

If someone wants to reach you, they will sail through the rising waters.

And when that happens all you have to do
Is decide if they can get to you.

Bright dark days

One day the sun came up.

I truly never believed it would.

But it did.

The cloud of darkness still existed inside of me,

Thundering and lighting up with hurt and sadness,

Though one would argue it was the latter that took precedence.

But I knew that one day it wouldn’t feel like this.

So I stepped out to take in some sun,

As the storm continued to rage inside.

How are you?

Let’s keep this short,

For if I speak I won’t find it in me to stop.

How did people live in the past? With just a letter or a call once a week,

When I can’t go without one text from you in a day.

How are you? Did you take your medicines? Does the night feel as lonely as it does for me?

Why don’t you drink enough water? And have you been eating well?

I heard your song today, and I remembered how much it makes you smile.

I don’t really have a song, so I wonder what reminds you of me.

Do you miss me when the sun sets on another day?

My heart and hands feel lonely without you. Does yours too?

Take care and eat well.

I’ll leave you for now. Fold your bedsheets and keep your room clean,

And when you’re tired of all this distance

Give me a call.

But please don’t forget to wash your feet before you go to bed.

As you were.

Endings

Dear You,

I know it’s difficult right now,

I know you’re hurting and don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry, I don’t know either.

So if you’ve come here looking for words of comfort you might not find any.

I might not offer any.

This ends here.

Please move on.

Walking on sunshine

Dear You,

I don’t know how you’re doing right now, but I hope life is treating you well.

It’s a new year, which means we all have another 365 days to come up with new ways to ruin our lives.

This year was particularly challenging for me, since I moved away from home. Some moments were great and some were miserable, like that one time I managed to get bathroom cleaner in my eye and convinced myself that life with one eye wouldn’t be that bad.

However, despite all the ‘firsts’ and ‘lasts’, one of my most special memories was during a hot summer evening at the vegetable aisle in a grocery store.

I’ve always struggled with opening plastic bags, the kind that holds vegetables. There have been many such occasions, but this day was particularly difficult. My day hadn’t been that great, and when the bag refused to open I was two seconds away from bawling. Until one kind stranger stepped in and opened a bag for me.

It might seem like an insignificant thing, but it is one of the most precious memories that I choose to carry with me into 2019. There were so many people that day, but no one stopped to help except for him and for that I’m very grateful.

I know life can get very, very bad at times and I really hope that you find all the strength to go through it. But I also want you to remember that it’s when things are at their worst that kindness will make its way to you.

So be kind and good.
And if you ever get the chance, open a bag for someone.
Have a fabulous year.

As you were.  

Things we need to talk about. 

I never liked empty spaces, hearts or homes.
So I started filling them both.
A couch here, a person there, a coffee table where it wasn’t needed,
a lover when there was space for none.

In hindsight it wasn’t the room full of things that bothered me.
Rooms could be filled and emptied, things could be bought and sold.

But people… people were the problem.
They came at their will sometimes, and that was all right.
It was their leaving that I  never recovered from.

Monday musings.

image

It’s really not easy and you know it. Sometimes he annoys you and you can only roll your eyes and do whatever you can to stop yourself from punching him.

He’s irritating, he likes his coffee a little sweeter than you do, but that’s not bothersome. It’s rather interesting to watch him sip his coffee and make a subtle slurping sound. Then you think about other’s doing the same and you know you’ll want to scream at them for being uncouth. He, he’s an exception.

It’s a simple kiss on your forehead and it’s not even remotely sexual, but you know it sends shivers down your spine and there are crackers going off in your head. No you’re not sick, it’s a heady mix of endorphins and dopamine.

You know how that orange candy leaves behind a stain in the palm of your hands? He leaves behind his mark in your life and sometimes on your body. Both a feeling of pleasure, and you can’t decide which one you crave for more.

Darling, he’s your need and your want.
He’s the calm and the God damn storm.
And there is no shelter from him.