Coming home.

Dear You,

I have been driving endlessly, through valleys that are deeper than the highest mountains I have climbed. Through sunrises and sunsets, some lasting longer than the other.

Sleep is now a distant friend, so I carry on my journey alone. Often, I reach out my hand to hold yours, only to be reminded of your absence.

Voids the size of the Milky Way stare back at me.
So I wonder, how an empty heart can feel so heavy.

I thought I was running away from the mess I created. Driving away from you and your thoughts. But they’re all staring at me from the backseat.

Gently reminding me of the pain that has attached itself to me.

I want to come back home,
I want to come back to you.

But I am lost.
And I don’t think these roads can ever lead me back.

In Mourning.

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Today I mourn,
All the things that I lost.
Things that never belonged to me in the first place.
I’ll list it in no particular order,
So here it goes.

Love.
Dreams.
Happiness.
And laughter.

Children.
Peace.
Joy.
And a happily ever-after.

Of all the things I lost and
The ones that left me feeling like a ghost,
You come a close second.
But if I’m being honest, I miss myself the most.

Dream State.

In my dreams
And they don’t lie, darling
We exist together
Not as a you and an I
But as an us.

I reach out and I can feel you by my side
Sleeping soundly
Without a care in the world
Without an idea of
How much you mean to me.

In my dreams, darling
We always find our way back
To each other
Through distances and spaces
To warmth and love.

In my dreams, darling
You’re still there when I wake up
So I memorise your smile
And I hug you tighter
But only in my dreams.

Bright dark days

One day the sun came up.

I truly never believed it would.

But it did.

The cloud of darkness still existed inside of me,

Thundering and lighting up with hurt and sadness,

Though one would argue it was the latter that took precedence.

But I knew that one day it wouldn’t feel like this.

So I stepped out to take in some sun,

As the storm continued to rage inside.

Learn to love

Dear You,

What did you want when you were younger?

To be loved wholly,

Even with all the broken parts,

That crumbled and fell at the slightest touch.

With all the strength that you mustered to pick up the pieces.

To find love that would hold you close on your darkest night,

When you were too afraid to sleep as thunder clouds gathered outside.

Darling,

What did you want when you were younger?

And why aren’t you giving it to yourself now?

Angry girl.

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Artist Libby VanderPloeg: https://gph.is/2OJNiHc . Instagram: https://bit.ly/2nRBDZK

Dear You,

 

The problem is not that you get angry at how unjust things around you are.

Every single woman, at some point of her life must have been subjected to something sexist. Something that seemed trivial, something that was said in passing, as a joke, just as an “honest question” ( whatever that means).

Sometimes, people ask you to smile, sometimes they ask you to smile more. On some occasions you’re asked to calm down, for some people you’re too loud, too boisterous. Very un-ladylike.

Sometimes, they don’t take you seriously at work.

There are boxes and if you don’t fit in them, you’re an anomaly.

The problem is not that you get angry,
The problem is that you don’t stay angry long enough.
Rage, rage.